we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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