I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
