now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
