it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
