Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
