my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
