I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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