Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
