I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My pussy is not your playground.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
