The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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