i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
