I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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