At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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