whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
