we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
