At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
