I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
