so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
