how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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