well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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