When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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