i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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