hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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