dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
