That's intense
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
