I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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