i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
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Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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