conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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