i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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