dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
