John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
