well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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