The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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