So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
