your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
