I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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