Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize