I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
