Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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