There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's no shave November. This is our time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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