I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
