bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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