This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
