my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
