What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
