mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
