definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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