She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
