im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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