How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
