Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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