Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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