my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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