i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
