dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
