If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize