Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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