She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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