hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
