Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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