I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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