Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
