K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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