OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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