I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
