The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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