Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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