He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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