Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
