Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ttyl tear gas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
