My friends, they love my intelligence
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
