ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
