Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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