He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
