We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
