either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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