I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
