I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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