the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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